If I Ran the Zoo

Most recent posting below. See other articles in the column to the right.

2009 If I Ran the Zoo #2 and #3

May 19, 2009 By Felicia Chernesky and Carol Iannone

2009 If I Ran the Zoo #2: Uncaged
By Felicia Chernesky

If I ran the zoo, if I had the keys

to unlock John Locke, John Adams, John Donne.

I’d free philosophers, poets, with ease.

First they’d blink. Then think. Then soak up the sun.

We’d monorail ride and hypothesize

on this upside-down world history course.

The painters would paint. The statesmen surmise.

Archeologists dig deep to the source.

Going the distance demands resistance,

and bravery, with its fair share of fun.

The poet would speak, at Logic’s insistence,

lend advice to the West setting sun:

“Do not go gentle into that good night.”

When I survey the zoo, I know he’s right—

2009 If I Ran the Zoo #3: Sleeping Quarters
By Carol Iannone

If I were the one that was running the zoo,
I would follow th’example of Gerald McGrew.
I too would resist the awf’lly old fashioned,
In favor of quelque chose new.
Something to shock and to make people see
How odd is the notion of two different sexes,
But how joyous a thing it could be.
Girls sleep in one dorm and boys in another,
Imagine the novelty!
And reduction in problems and anger and vengeance
And increase in dignity!
Let the outdated fem’nists and gray libertarians
Cling to the old and outworn.
Bring on the curfews and visiting hours,
And herald the new lovely morn!

How would YOU run the higher ed zoo? To submit your "If I Ran the Zoo," send your text or video to nasonweb@nas.org.

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2009 If I Ran the Zoo #5
June 26, 2009 By Robert L. Jackson
Robert Jackson says the higher ed zoo needs a Great Conversation.

2009 If I Ran the Zoo #4
May 20, 2009 By Ashley Thorne
Ashley Thorne would say "toot-a-loo!" to race-based grouping if she ran the zoo.

2009 If I Ran the Zoo #2 and #3
May 19, 2009 By Felicia Chernesky and Carol Iannone
How the AQ editors would run the higher ed zoo: "Unlock the philosophers!" says Felicia Chernesky. "Bring on the curfews and visiting hours!" says Carol Iannone.

Announcing NAS's Summer 2009 "If I Ran the Zoo" Series
May 13, 2009 By Peter Wood
Submit your idea of how you would run the higher education zoo! Send your text or video submission to nasonweb@nas.org.
2 comments - Last on 05/14/2009

If I Ran the Zoo XIV
August 05, 2008 By Erin O'Connor and Maurice Black
Erin O'Connor and Maurice Black point us to Dr. Seuss's commencement address that urged, "swallow what's solid," but "spit out the air!"
1 comment - Last on 08/06/2008

If I Ran the Zoo XIII
July 16, 2008
The zoo runs on, with Ammon Allred's Seussian verse on what matters in higher education.

If I Ran the Zoo XII
July 15, 2008
By blogger "anotherpanacea," a professor of philosophy in the Washington, D.C. area

If I Ran the Zoo XI
July 14, 2008 By Harvey Silverglate
Harvey Silverglate ponders “Let’s Kill All the Lawyers.” He urges the academy to resist lawyerly tendencies to prosecute harassment to the detriment of freedom. Silverglate calls the university to open the cages that have bound free speech, and return to its historic duty to protect the heart of the academic enterprise: the pursuit of truth and learning.
1 comment - Last on 07/15/2008

If I Ran the Zoo X
July 01, 2008 By Roger Kimball
Roger Kimball summons us to call the "spade" a spade, and to seek truth free of "theory."

If I Ran the Zoo IX
June 30, 2008 By John Leo
If John Leo ran the zoo, he'd cancel all courses whose names end in “studies.” This surely could irritate the fuddies and duddies.
2 comments - Last on 07/01/2008

If I Ran the Zoo VIII
June 27, 2008 By Michael Kellman
Conservative crews have left the zoos: here's one more opinion on which to muse. What would you do if you ran the zoo?
2 comments - Last on 06/29/2008

If I Ran the Zoo VII
June 25, 2008 By Mark Bauerlein
Mark Bauerlein's simple rule for running the zoo: have other professors teach freshman comp too!

If I Ran the Zoo VI
June 23, 2008 By Sylvia Wasson
Squawks, roars, and Tarzan yells encouraged at this zoo.
2 comments - Last on 07/21/2008

If I Ran the Zoo V
June 20, 2008 By Anne Neal
To free inquiry true would Anne Neal run the zoo, even if it's quite a hullabaloo.

If I Ran the Zoo IV
June 19, 2008 By Todd Zywicki
Todd Zywicki, a Dartmouth graduate (like "Dr." Theodore Suess Geisel, class of 1925), gives his feed on running the higher education zoo.
1 comment - Last on 06/29/2008

If I Ran the Zoo III
June 18, 2008 By George Leef
Oh the things you can do if you run the zoo! We asked George Leef what he would improve. What did he do? He gave us a clue.
2 comments - Last on 06/19/2008

If I Ran the Zoo II
June 17, 2008 By Mike Adams
If Mike Adams ran the zoo, here's what he would do.

If I Ran the Zoo
June 11, 2008
What would you do if you ran the university zoo? NAS presents a series of opinions on the ideal portrait of the higher education menagerie.