2009 If I Ran the Zoo #4

Ashley Thorne

If I could run the college zoo,

I’d hop up like a kangaroo—

If I could let new critters in,

I wonder, how would I begin?

 

First thing, I’d open up the gates

‘Til nothing’s left that separates

Black, polar, grizzly, teddy, panda

Bears from one another and

 

I’d count them all the same at heart.

For keeping different folks apart

Is something that my zoo won’t do—

So race-based grouping: “Toot-a-loo!”

 

Another change I’d bring this scene:

We wouldn’t have to be so green.

The green-eyed tree frogs won’t blend in,

Sustainabullies lose their spin

 

When climate education ends

And open inquiry begins.

That global boiling’s near at hand

Is not a doctrine I’d command.

 

But if I ran the college zoo,

There’s something simple I’d ask you:

“Why do we go to college zoo?

What is it that we wish we knew?”

 

That purpose—if I may define:

Pursue the truth, don’t toe the line.
Don’t make up meaning, gender, fact

But find what’s real, what’s right, exact.

 

Well anyhoo, in any case

My college zoo will be the place

Where beavers build and parrots talk

And we’d all rock around the clock.

  • Share

Most Commented

May 15, 2015

1.

Where Did We Get the Idea That Only White People Can Be Racist?

A look at the double standard that has arisen regarding racism, illustrated recently by the reaction to a black professor's biased comments on Twitter....

December 22, 2020

2.

From John David to David Acevedo: Why I’m Leaving Behind My NAS Pseudonym for Good

In this piece, NAS Communications & Research Associate David Acevedo, formerly known as John David, recounts why he chose to write pseudonymously and why he has decided to go public...

February 17, 2021

3.

New ACLU Head Has a Civil Rights Problem Back Home

Deborah Archer is the new president of the American Civil Liberties Union, but she doesn't exactly have a history of protecting civil rights at her other workplace, NYU Law....

Most Read

May 15, 2015

1.

Where Did We Get the Idea That Only White People Can Be Racist?

A look at the double standard that has arisen regarding racism, illustrated recently by the reaction to a black professor's biased comments on Twitter....

March 8, 2021

2.

How Many Confucius Institutes Are in the United States?

Updated 3/8/2021: We're keeping track of all Confucius Institutes in the United States, including those that remain open, those that closed, and those that have announced their clos...

March 2, 2021

3.

Tracking "Cancel Culture" in Higher Education

UPDATED 3/2/21: A repository of 128 administrators, professors, and students who have been "canceled" for expressing views deemed unacceptable by higher education ideologue...