Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me

Peter Wood

“The American Council of Trustees and Alumni, The National Association of Scholars, David Horowitz's Campus Watch, and the right wing of the Republican Party have been involved in a secret but highly organized campaign to discredit higher education and essentially align universities with the business community.”

Professor Robert Wait, Western Michigan University, in a letter posted Monday June 9, on Arts and Sciences Council E Forum

To: ACTA, NAS, David Horowitz, Campus Watch, Republican National Committee

From: Agent X

Subject: Media Exposure 

I am sorry to report that one of our plans has been compromised. The sentence above is from a sociology professor writing at length about our attempt to subvert academic standards at Western Michigan University. As you know, WMU is crucial to our “zipper” strategy, in which we sunder the U.S. north to south. The good news is that Professor Wait seems unaware of our strategy document “From Kalamazoo to Blue Cliff College: How to Restore Proper Respect for Capitalism, Trivialize Academic Freedom, and Beggar Leftist Faculties, and Appoint a Regime of Stepford Professors without Anyone Noticing.”  He also seems unaware of the crucial significance of WMU, which sits right on the dividing line between the western half of the country claimed by our friends in the Energy Trust and the eastern half claimed by our friends in the Military Imperialism Trust.

pProfessor “Wait” we believe is a code name. We take it to suggest that he was a sleeper agent only recently activated.  Perhaps by our arch-foes, The Campus Alliance of Left-Over Sixties Radicals, Bitter Feminists, Grievance-Mongering Multiculturalists, and Sustainability ideologues. 

pAbort mission? I await your instructions. 

PS.   Yes, we noticed Professor “Wait’s” apparent confusion about Campus Watch, founded by Daniel Pipes, not by David Horowitz, who works primarily through the Freedom Center.  

PPS.   Blue Cliff College’s cosmetology program remains a priority for infiltration. Please assure our friends in the Lipstick and Mascara Trust that we are making progress. 

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